In The Middle
by Forbidden.Love.21
Summary: That's who I was. The watcher, the listener; I was never in the front nor in the back, I was in the middle. Always the middle. Never the start and never the ending, I was the in-between place that most people never saw, never remembered.
1. I Know

**Discliamer: I don't own anything Supernatural, I just like messing with the Winchesters & Co ;)  
Also, the lyrics don't belong to me, they belong to the wonderful talented Trespassers William.  
**

**Title: In The Middle  
Rating: PG-13  
Spoliers: Seasons 1[x] 2[x] 3[x] 4[x]  
Pairing: Sam/Oc**

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_I know i'll never see you. I know i'll never run into your body walking through the crooked streets. I know i'll never hear you, I know i'll never hear you like a sound that walks inside from outside there. I know thatif i waited; I know that if i wait, a thousand days will lie wasted with thoughts of you._

The smoke filled the air of the loud bar giving into illusion that is was in fact just another bar, and not a place where my life was about to change.

There were people in every corner getting drunk for different reasons. Some to forget someone or something, some to remember a time long ago as they wondered how life passed them by. Then you had the crowd who just belonged there, belonged among the memories and liquor just because they could, just because it felt right.

Yet, there were even sadder stories. Those like myself who came here to the comfort of the bar just to be. Not to drink my memories away not to even get drunk. But to watch the lives of those around me as they put the bottle to their lips an smile, getting a moment of bliss that they set out to find, as I watched in awe wondering why I never had that.

That's who I was. The watcher, the listener; I was never in the front nor in the back, I was in the middle. Always the middle. Never the start and never the ending, I was the in-between place that most people never saw, never remember even if they happen to spot me from across the room their eyes would wander a moment later.

Which is why I was so good at watching people. They never noticed me, they never noticed my intense gaze as I watched them from across the room wondering what their story was.

Tonight I watched an older man who was on his eighth beer and fourth shot of tequila. I saw the lost look in his eyes which made me wonder if he lost someone… A women, perhaps the love of his life.

He put the shot glass to his mouth gulping down the tequila only to chase it with a chug of his beer. I felt my stomach turn as I watched him wondering if there was anyone who could help him, save him.

His finger lifted signaling the bartender for another shot. She brought it over to him with out a question which led me to believe that not only was he a regular but also able to hold his liquor.

Had he lost the women a long time ago? Or was he always a drunk? Did he lose the women because of his drinking? Questions kept flying through my head before my best friend grabbed my attention.

"Hotties at ten o'clock," I glanced away from the drunk in the corner that I had been watching turning my attention to my best friend Cory.

I rolled my eyes at him with a smile on my lips. "Can't you keep it in your pants?"

He smiled at me though his eyes were still on whoever he deemed 'hotties' with an all to familiar look on his face. "Sugar' these guys are smoken. Even with your lack of attraction to the male species could see it-" He put his eyes on me and frowned "Or I would hope so."

I smacked his arm playfully pretending to be upset about him comment. "You know I don't have time for guys,"

He snorted at me. "You don't even have time for sex. When was the last time you got laid-" He put his hand up to halt my reply "Please don't answer that. I'm not trying to pry," I raised my eyebrow; Cory not trying to pry? Okay then. "But honestly honey, I'm not saying you need the head over heels love were you're off to Vegas getting ready to get hitched"

I laughed at him before taking a sip of my beer. "Vegas? Really?"

"You know what I mean Aurelia."

I honestly don't I thought to myself but was smart enough to keep the comment to myself. Guys are more trouble then they are worth if you ask me.

Guys want girls who stand out in the crowd. Funny smart blonde girls with blue eyes and big boobs. Not a girl like me with Sandy brown hair brown eyes and no boobs.

Noticing the look on my face Cory put his hand over mine. "Just sex baby girl. I'm not asking you to throw yourself down the aisle anytime soon. Just get laid for christ sake." He took a sip of his beer.

"It' can't be like that Cory and you know it. I'm not a casual type of girl."

"I know, I know. You're a sensitive girl that needs commitment," His frowned turned into a smile looking back over my shoulder. "But I swear if you don't talk to those guy and take home one tonight I will be forced to take back the best friend title."

"And why don't you sir, go take one of them home tonight," He let out a long dramatic sigh placing his hands over his heart. "They are unfortunately straight." He looked so sad while he said it that I had to laugh, wondering who these hot guys are that got my best friend twisted in knots.

His face perked right up. "Look at their asses" he glared at me. "Forget what I said, your bringing both guys home tonight and telling me every detail"

"Cory!" I said my hand over my mouth keeping in the beer that was threatening to escape from my laughter.

"I'm serious! Look at those asses! You could bounce a dime off of those fine pieces of-" I put my hand over him mouth stopping him from his rant.

"I get it" I was still laughing as I turned around trying to get a look at these two 'hotties'. With their backs to me I could only tell that they were both tall, though one was increasingly taller with longer shaggy brown hair. Both had broad shoulders. And… sighing in defeat. "Your right they do have nice asses"

Cory laughed happily obviously pleased by my comment. "Told you so"

I frowned wanting to see their faces. Their was something about the taller one… I shook my head out of the thought. I was not going there. Not tonight, and not ever again.

I turned back to Cory who was looking at me waiting for something. What he was waiting for I wasn't sure. "what?"

He smirked at me. "Baby girl how much do you want that new camera?"

I paused not liking where he was going with this, but I took the bait. "A lot"

Who was I kidding I would give my kidney for it but I wasn't willing to tell Cory that. It was way more money then I could ever afford. Not to mention more money then he could afford, well, maybe not. He could afford it, He gets a lot of money from his parents each month. Still the camera was more money then I was willing to let him spend on me. Hell the camera cost is so much our rent doesn't even make dent in it.

As his smirk grew so did my worry. "If you go-"

"I'm not sleeping with them to get a camera!"

Cory feigned shocked putting his hand over his mouth. "I would never," The look I sent him silenced him. He put his hand down and smiled at me. "Okay I so would." I laughed at him while he continued. "But, I was going to say if you go over there and talk to them."

I stopped laughing when I realized he was serious. "Talk?"

He rolled his eyes at me. "Yeah. You know verbally stringing together words that make sentences that complete a thought to another person who in returns does the same to you,"

I shoved his arm. "Jerk, I know what talking is," I grinned at him. "But I'm just making sure talking is all you had in mind."

He smiled sweetly at me. "Talking is all I want. Maybe ask for a number if you hit it off. Or you know take them back to our place to get more friendly if things go very well." He seen my look an stopped. "But that's all on you. I just want you to talk to them."

I sighed taking another sip of my still almost full beer wondering if I could do that. Talk to them? Sure. Talking to guys wasn't the problem. I wasn't that shy around males, I just liked to keep things platonic. But talking to a random guy, excuses me, I mean GUYS at a bar doesn't really say platonic. It says something along the lines of 'want to go back to my place and get lucky.'Another thing, If I go and talk to them and Cory gets me the camera I would feel weird. Wasn't that along the lines of prostitution or something?

So don't do it for the camera, do it for yourself. A naggy little voice in my brain said. The same naggy little voice in my brain that agreed with Cory that my libido was lacking.

"Alright,"

"Alright?" He sounded like he didn't believe me, but that was excepted. I was surprised myself but I knew if I didn't do it I would always wonder 'what if.' So I gave Cory my best smile. "Yes I'll do it. I'll go talk to them. But that's all, and I refuse to let you get me the camera."

He smiled happily nodding his head as if he just won the lottery. "Okay so what are you waiting for?"

I laughed at him and took another sip of my beer before standing up. "I'm going, I'm going" At five seven it was easy for me to hold my head up high and seem more confident then I really am.

I took slow strides towards them not trying to seem to eager when I saw the one with shorter hair (and height) stand up and head for the bar. I got a glimpse of his face and had to admit I was impressed he was good looking in his leather jacket and his rough facial features that just scream bad ass play boy. I could tell with out a second look that he was a heartbreaker.

I turned my attention to the other one, the taller one. With his buddy gone maybe I could get a look at his face. The smile on my face froze as I took in his face, his presence.

He looked up briefly as if feeling my eyes on his. He looked around and caught my eyes. His eyes hit mine, and for a short spilt second they stayed there before going back down to his laptop as if he hadn't even notice me all. I felt my heart shatter and hit the floor with a loud thunderous noise that only I heard and felt.

It can't be…

I vaguely saw the other one return but I heard him. I heard him as if his voice was a bullet in silent room. "Sammy find anything yet?"

Sammy.

Sam.

Samuel Winchester.

It couldn't be…

A hand on my shoulder caused me to finally remove my gaze from the man in front of me. I looked up too see Cory's worried eyes. "Honey you okay?" I felt sick to my stomach as a million emotions and memories came rushing forwards. But it was all the questions that hit me like a punch to the gut.

"Can we go home, please?" I was near tears and as a best friend would do Cory put a protective arm around my waist and led me out of the bar and to the car with out so much as a question too why.

I knew that I would get no sleep that night as I laid in bed wondering what just happen. I knew my mind would be busy dissecting everything that happened tonight as I tried to tell myself that it wasn't him. That he was dead, that he was gone. But I knew in every fiber of my being that it was him.

Silent tears made their way down my face as I rested my head against the glass window.

It was him and he didn't even notice me.

My tears slide down faster as that thought hit me. He saw me. He made eye contact and looked away like I was never there to begin with.

I was wrong, the other man with him tonight wasn't the heartbreaker out of the two, no it wasn't him, It was Sam. He was the heartbreaker, he was the one that broke my heart back in Stanford only to do so again tonight years later.


	2. Coffee & Friends

_**.**Seven Years Earlier._

"I'll catch up with you guys later" I said with a nod of my head as my attention shifted to the man standing in front of the weeping angel. He had an expression on his face, one that was so heartbreaking it could take your breath away.

He wasn't looking at it with the normal awed expression that most who see it have on their face. No, his expression was one of awareness. As if he felt the pain of the angel as clearly as if it was real, as if it was his own. While his face showed this his body told a different story. It was posed stiffly with no emotion. It showed that he would rather be anywhere but here. He was torn and it was beautiful.

I felt in my bag for my camera not taking my eyes off of him, hoping that he wouldn't move, that he wouldn't notice me.

Looking through the 70mm lens I found myself smiling at his beauty, at the beauty of scene before me. "Perfect," I said softly to myself as I snapped away picture after picture as he stayed unaware of what was happening.

He moved a bit, enough to cause the shot to look so different yet still hold the same grace as before. The grin on my face growing with each second. He finally looked up and saw me as the last picture was taken. I bit my lip suddenly all to aware that I was just caught taking a stranger's pictures with out asking.

He frowned at me as I took the camera away from my face. "It's beautiful isn't it?" I asked, walking closer to him praying he wouldn't ask for the film. How embarrassing would that be if I had to run away from him so he couldn't get his hands on it.

He nodded still frowning as I walked closer. "You were just taking pictures," His statement sounded confused as if he just imagined it.

"What can I say the subject is beautiful" I saw a light blush cross his cheeks as he put his hand on the back of his neck. He opened his mouth as if he was about to say something only to shut it. I smiled liking that I made him speechless.

I pointed towards the weeping angle "You think it's beautiful don't you?" He frowned realizing that I was talking about the angel as the subject and not him, though I had meant him also. "You have too wonder what would cause an angle to weep." I looked up and saw him glance back at the monument with that unbearable expression on his face again. "You also have to wonder what would cause the observes of it to weep" My voice was softer as I said, but by the way his head snapped up and his brown eyes met mine I knew he heard me.

An unhappy smile fell on his face. "Maybe they have nothing to be happy about."

I felt a sting in my heart at his words wondering what could have happened in this mans life to bring him such false sense of lasting pain. Maybe it was the artist in me but I refused to see the world for the ugly that was in it. Because even in the ugly there was something special, something magical, something beautiful; It was shown in the way that what fell apart only came back together.

"Maybe they aren't looking hard enough," I said looking into his sad eyes wishing I could comfort him. He shrugged his shoulders before looking away. "Maybe." His voice was low but loud enough that I could hear him.

I took a few steps closer to him letting my gaze fall on the angle in front of us. "Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed."

I looked over and saw him staring at me with small smile on his face showing dimples that made him even more beautiful. "Storm Jameson," He said looking at me curiously. I smiled brightly at him impressed that he knew that. "Storm Jameson" I confirmed happily before sticking my hand out "And I'm Aurelia Turner." He gave me his hand still smiling. "Sam Winchester"

"Well Sam I don't know about you but I've been craving coffee all day, care to join me?" He smiled down at me. "I'd like that a lot"

It wasn't long before we fell into a comfortable silence walking towards the local Starbucks that was just across from the campus. The aroma of fresh coffee made me smile as we entered the store. Screw diamonds coffee is my best friend.

I looked over the menu board wondering what I should get. It was honestly a harder decision then what should be. "What are you getting?" I asked, looking up at Sam who had a 'confused' look on his face.

I grinned at him, instantly recognizing the expression on his face. "Oh. My. God," I put my hand on his arm getting his attention. "You're a Starbucks virgin aren't' you?" His eyes snapped to mine.

"What? No I'm…" He trailed off and smiled sheepishly at me. "Okay you got me. I never had Starbucks before,"

"Blasphemy" I muttered grabbing his arm and pulling him towards the counter.

"What can I do for you today," A way to perky worker asked with a smile on her face and heat in her eyes looking towards Sam. I smirked at the sight before me, trying my hardest not to laugh, but what made it even funnier is the way he didn't even notice it.

I shook my head an smiled at her knowing what she was feeling. "Yeah. I'll have a venti black coffee, also a tall Caffe Americano, tall cinnamon dolce latte, a tall pumpkin spice latte and a venti peppermint mocha twist frappuccino,"

I noticed Sam staring at me so I gave him a big smile. "You have to taste them all. And if you don't like them you get the large black coffee."

He looked at me amused. "And what if I don't like black coffee" I rolled my eyes and pointed to the milk/cream/sugar/mocha station in the corner. "Then you can put all the cream and sugar you want in it over there with everyone else" I answered.

"So do you randomly go around taking pictures of strange places and people," He asked me as we made our way towards the setting area. I smiled at him, "It is what I'm here for, doubling in Art History and Art Practice." "Sounds like a heavy load.""It will be, but I love it."

"How did you get into photography" He asked me as we sat down at an empty table with a handful of drinks. "My parent," I took a sip of my coffee. "My father is a photographer and my mother is documentary film maker. They met over sea's actual, doing a piece on the cause an effects of genocide through out history. Romantic huh?" Sam gave me a small smile. I shrugged my shoulders. "While other kids parents were teaching them how to ride a bike mine were teaching me the importance of keeping your equipment clean.""So your following in your parents foot steps?" "It would seem that way, huh?" I shook my head. "I spent so much time preparing myself not to be like my parents.""So what changed?" He asked me curiously. "The summer I turned Seventeen I went with my mother on a sabbatical to this small fishing town on the Russia coast. She was doing a documentary on the fishing industry and the families of fishermen. The culture there was so different then anything I had ever seen, It intimidated me. So I spent most of the time there locked in the room my mother had rented from one of the locals. So, one day my mom comes back and she hands me a camera and tells not to come back till my attitude changes.""What did you do?" I smiled at him and continued. "I spent hours walking around this small town taking random pictures of cottages and just the roads. While the whole time I was silently cursing my parents," I smiled thinking back to it. "Then, I stumbled upon this old man standing at the end of this dock just staring out into vast emptiness of the ocean, fishing pole in hand. It was so, so miraculous as to how this one man just seemed to bring everything about this town together. You had the boats and the commercial fishermen around the town, but this one old man said a thousand more words then they ever could. So I took the picture, not because I had to, but because I honestly wanted to. There was something in that moment that just changed me, that made me see that the lens of the camera is as much of a gateway to your soul as eyes are."I fiddled with the straw of my drink while looking into Sam's eyes that seemed to be hinding many secrets and fears. I blinked and looked away, not wanting to be caught staring again.

I continued with my story. "It wasn't until later when my mom had my film developed that she told about that man, she had actual filmed him that day. I guess he grew up in that town, His father was a fisherman who raised him as fisherman. His wife had died giving birth to a son, who he in returned raised as a fisherman. Years later, when his son was fifteen I guess there was an accident on the boat they were working on. No one really knows what happened. But, there was an explosion and thirty people lost there lives that night including his son."

"That's horrible." Sam said. I looked out the coffee shop window. "My mother had asked him, why after everything he still fished and lived in that town. He told her that it' wasn't something he did, it was who he was. Fishing is his life and for just as much bad came from it, there was good too. That outside factors, good or bad will only have an impact if you let it."

I took another sip of my coffee lost in thought. "I took my parents out of the equation and realized that I really loved taking pictures. I was just so hell bent on being different from them, from the way I was raised that I couldn't see how much talent I had, how much I truly enjoyed it. How much I truly craved capturing a moment that you will never get back."I looked at him and smiled before telling him. "I mean, think about it. This world isn't going to stop, not for anyone or anything. Time keeps going, keeps going forward. But when you have a camera in your hands, and you take that picture. It truly does stop. Time is frozen for the single moment, and it'll be yours forever." He smiled widely at me, dimples showing causing me to blush.

"So what about you, I'm guessing you're a student here." He nodded and took a sip of his black coffee. "I am. Pre-Law," I waited a moment for him to continue, but he didn't just took another sip of coffee.

I raised my eyebrow. "Ah I see, so your going to become a lawyer?" He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, "I want to be able to help people who need it," he took another sip of coffee before he continued. "With Law you always know whats right, whats wrong. It's all written down, there is never error in judgment. You find the bad guys and you put them behind bars." He spoke those words with so much conviction I couldn't help but smile at him. Even though I had only known him for a few hours, there was something about him that made me believe he truly wanted to help people.

"You like helping people." It was an observation, one that I was willing to guarantee was true. His fingers tapped the table, before he finally met my gaze. "I like making a difference, knowing that the world is safer at night."

Seeing the time I sighed, "I have to get going. My friends are waiting-" He got up when I did, causing me to smile. "Are you interested in coming along?" I watched him open and shut his mouth like a fish, "It's just a few people. We're meeting at the Pub for some food. I'd like it if you'd come along." I reassuring him, hoping that he didn't think I was only asking to be polite.

"I'd like that." He finally said with a smile. "Good," I picked up the untouched coffees not wanting them to go to waste, before facing Sam. "For what it's worth, I think you'll be good." He looked at me with a confused expression, I grinned. "Making the world safer. You'll be good at it."


	3. Curious Cat

I took another bite of the Chinese food we had ordered with a smile. Sam who was sitting on the floor across from me, had an amused smile on his face as he watched me eat. Rolling my eyes, I stuck my food covered tongue out at him.

It was our thing, every Friday night we order enough Chinese food to feed a small army. Only to be left with enough leftovers that would only last another day, if that.

Its been three months since I first saw Sam standing there beside the grieving angel and took his picture. Which was now in a frame on my dresser. Its had also been three months that we spent practically joined at the hip. It was strange to say the lest, the short amount of time it took for us to become best friends.

We spent every waking moment together or on the phone talking about our favorite authors or just random stuff. We spent most nights together simply studying for our classes. Though our majors were different, Sam who was majoring in law with a minor in psychology while I was doubling a major of art history and art practice. But still, we helped each other every chance we got.

But no matter how close I got to him, no matter how close he got to me, there were certain things he kept as a secret. I didn't push to find out what it was knowing that in his own time he would come to me. And he did…sorta.

After one long week of him looking off in the distance, glazed look in his eyes he would go though his phone scrolling through his contacts, only then to shut his phone with a sad and depressed look on his face.

Not able to take anymore I decided to ask what was upsetting him.

He told me that he had an older brother who he missed more days then not. That his brother practically raised him. I still remember how when I had asked him why he didn't get in contact with him, he only shrugged his shoulders forced a smile and said two words 'my dad' but the look in his eye was a familiar one.

It was the one I seen the day we first meet. And I knew that being away from his family was what brought on this pain and guilt that had reflected in his eyes. So I never brought it up again, and neither did he. "You in there Rae?" I snapped my attention back to Sam, giving him a small smile. "Yeah, just lost in thought." He gave me a look before smiling. "You want some more?" He handed me the carton of garlic broccoli and white rice. I rolled my eyes and put down my plate. "No, I'm good." I lifted my shirt up a bit and rubbed my stomach. "I think I ate too much."

He laughed standing, picking my plate up. "You always eat to much." He said walking towards the kitchen. "Hush," I sent him a mock glare. "What are you trying to say Samuel James Winchester" He's eyes landed on me "Nothing. Your body is perfect."

He glanced away and I felt something stir inside of me. Some small flicker of something in my gut. He cleared his throat. "I mean after all-" He moved closer to me, his eyes on mine. I felt myself flushed not knowing what he was going to do. "I can do this."

He was so fast I didn't see it coming, his arm went under knees while another held on to my waist throwing me over his shoulder.

"SAM!" His laughing only caused me to feel more panic. "SAM! PUT ME DOWN!" what if he dropped me? What if… I felt my breathing start to come more sporadic. "Hey.." in a moment he had me off his shoulder and in his arms bridle style. "You can trust me," I could only nod, feeling as if I opened my mouth I would throw up.

He looked down at me worried, not that I blamed him. He didn't know about my fear. My fear of being held against my will. Even though it was Sam my body acted as if it was a complete stranger. It wasn't even something dramatic, not really. Nothing in my life had warranted that fear, I just… had it.

I put on a fake smile and rolled my eyes. "Your lucky I didn't throw up on you." He gave me a small dimpled smile. "It's not as if you hadn't already.""Hey. It was your fault. I told you Tequila makes me sick." He laughed, putting me down. I straightened my shirt. "Yeah, and I told you that you didn't have to drink."

I grinned at him. "And let you have all the fun?" I shook my head still grinning, "Watching you bust out your Michael Jackson moves really called for some hard liquor Sam" A grimace expression took over his face. "I thought we decided never to talk about that." I laughed walking away from him. "What song was it?" I gave him a sly smile, shrugging "Good thing I have it recorded."

His face paled, he looked at me wide eyed. "You don't-"

"I so do." I sent him a wink.

"Aurelia." His tone was a warning. But I couldn't resist, so I sauntered over to the couch before jumping up on it. "Aaow" Repeating what he had done only weeks before. He looked at me as if he wasn't sure he wanted to laugh or yell. "Hey pretty baby with the high heels on…"I started to sing, moving around on the couch just like he had, trying my hardest to copy the moves. By the second chorus he was laughing, near tears watching me.

"And this Sam… Is when you did the nose dive on the floor." He raised his eyebrow, laughing. "Your not going to show me that reenactment?" I met his raised eyebrow with one of my own, clearing my throat starting to sing again. "The way you make me feel…" He lifted his head higher, not thinking I would. "You really turn me on."

His eyes told me not to do it, I smiled and continued. "You knock me off my feet.."

_You can trust me_, his words played in my mind, praying to god I really could. I jumped off the arm of the couch, waiting for an impact that never came. Sam's arms were safely around me.

He caught, me. I looked into his eyes, the last lines of the song slipping from my lips softly mumbled. "My lonely days are gone." Our eyes stayed locked together, before his gaze went to my lips. I felt my heart speed pick up. Nervously, I bit my bottom lip causing his gaze to return to my eyes.

Still in his arms, his head bent down slowly to meet mine. I closed my eyes, my hand absently playing with the hair that hung around his neck. Then it happened. The timer on my phone going off reminding me that I had to leave… soon.

I wasn't sure who let out the soft grumbled. Or if Sam put me down before I could get down. All I know is one second I was about to kiss my best friend and then the next I was walking to my phone to turn off my alarm.

I didn't know if I wanted to throw my phone across the room, or thank it for stopping what almost happened.

"Crap" I said noticing that it was the second alarm I had set. "What is it?"

I looked up at Sam and frowned. "I'm late."

"For?"

"Ghost hunting." To say he looked shell-shocked would be an understatement, a very big one.

"Excuse me?" He finally was able to sputter out following me into my room as I opened my closet looking for black clothing.

"Turn around."

"What?" I rolled my eyes and looked over at him. "I'm about to get dressed, so turn around." He gave me a pointed look before turning around. "Why are you getting changed?"

Taking my white t shirt off and pulling on a black one I said. "Cause' wearing white doesn't really fit the whole 'sneaking into a grave yard' thing."

Dead silence.

"Your sneaking into a cemetery." He muttered to himself more then said it too me. I bit back a smile, pulling off my belt then jeans. "Why are you sneaking into a cemetery?"

"Cause' that best friend… is where the ghost is." I finished the last button of my dark blue jeans "You can turn back around now."

He turned around, glaring at me. "Why do you think there is a ghost there?" I didn't know how to tell him. He was Sam Winchester. Law student, who seen things in black and white and didn't leave room for anything grey. He was a skeptic to the max. For god sakes If everything time we watched a horror movie his scoffing at how ridiculously fake everything wasn't a clue enough.

I walked down the hall, Sam still on my heels. I opened the dark room, grabbing the pictures before handing them too him. He took them, giving me a once over before looking back at the pictures. I walked out still keeping quiet, hoping he would see what I had saw.

I was in the living room gathering my stuff when he finally came out. "What do these pictures have to do with ghost Aurelia?"

Walking over I took them from his hands, "Look right here Sam." I said pointing to the lady that was standing there near a ninetieth century grave marker. "So?" I sighed knowing he wouldn't believe me. "She wasn't there when I took the picture."

He paused, a look I couldn't describe crossed his face. "Your sure?"

"You think I'm crazy?" I shook my head not waiting for him to answer. "I am sure Sam. I was the only one there. When I took that? No one was standing there." He sighed "So if this is a ghost why do you want to go and find it again?" I smiled grabbing my bag. "Is the big tough man afraid of a little ole ghost?" He sent another glare my way, I had to stop myself from smiling.

After a moment of tension filled silence filled the room I told him. "Cause' I wanna see if she shows up again tonight. I want to make sure I'm not crazy."

"Your not crazy." It truly sounded like he meant that. "But you don't think it's a ghost." He didn't say anything, so I just shrugged my shoulders and walked towards the door.

"What are you doing?" he asked, I turned around eyebrow raised hands on my hips. "I'm going to go catch a ghost." His shoulders fell, "Alright but I'm coming with you." I smiled. "But we're bringing salt with us." I gave him a questioning look, he shrugged his shoulders. "I read about salt protecting people from ghost in some magazine."

"Who would have thought, Sammy Winchester knowing about the supernatural." I called out to him as he walked into my kitchen. I heard him mumble something, but I wasn't sure what he said.

I opened my apartment door smiling, waiting for Sam. When he finally did come out, he had the salt in his hands. I shook my head trying to hold back laughter.

Salt protecting you from ghost? I rolled my eyes at that ridicules thought.

He shut the door of my apartment, "Didn't you ever hear the saying curiosity killed the cat?" looking over my shoulder I gave him my 100 watt grin. "Good thing I'm a bitch."

* * *

Review :D


	4. Happy Birthday

**WARNING! LEMON! SMUT! SEX! SEX! SEX! & MORE SEX! **

What I'm trying to say is, this chapter is **RATED M! **So, if you don't like it, Skip that part! when you see, **_-_-_** that means **SMUT!** :D**  
**Also,

**(BOLD)** text means, 'present' This chapter will jump a few times from past to present, So just keep that in mind! :D

* * *

PRESENT

**"Okay... I don't get it?" Cory said looking at me confused.**

**I sat on the couch wrapped in my wool blanket, coco in my coffee mug. I had been telling Cory about Sam and I, about our friendship that meant more to me then I ever wanted or meant for it to be.**

**"It didn't stay like that between us," I shook my head looking away from Cory's eyes. "The bound between us began to pull apart. Little by little till there was nothing holding us together but my- my need to be with him."**

**"But what started that pull?"**

**I looked into the fire place, still feeling that reel of emotion like it was yesterday, tears glisten in my eyes "Well..."**

---

"Are you serious?" I asked standing in front of Paul, my face was red with anger. "I'm sorry- it just came up." I bit the inside of my cheek to keep me from saying anything I knew I would regret. "Alright, maybe next time." He frowned and looked down, "I am really sorry."

I gave a small smile, "It's not your fault." And it wasn't, how was he going to know that he would be needed in a research study across town the same day I needed him for my photo-shoot.

"I can ask one of the guys…" He trailed off, knowing that I'd say no. I shook my head, "It's fine, I'll find someone." He nodded, "why don't you ask Sam?" My eyes widened in surprised that he would say my best friends name. "Sam?" He gave me a small smile, "Yeah, Sam-" He looked behind me and frowned, "I got to go, sorry again." He took off running before I had a chance to say anything.

Ask Sam?

Before I even knew it I was running towards the Law buildings, praying I caught him before his next class -I glanced at my watched- that started in twenty minutes.

When I spotted him my smile grew, "SAM!" he paused hearing his name called, a smile graced his faces when he saw me.

He took off in my direction, "Rae, what are you doing here?" Out of breath I panted, "I-" I blew a long breath of air out of my lungs. "Wow, I hate running" I said, still slightly exhausted. Sam shook his head and laughed, "Yeah, no kidding."

"I need a favor." I bit my lip nervously, wondering how much begging it would take for him to agree. He cocked his eyebrow, "This sounds dangerous."

"Hey!" I pushed arm, not trying to hide the smile that was on my face. "I'll have you know, It's not dangerous at all." He laughed saying, "I'll believe it when I hear what you want."

I was quiet for a moment, wondering how to ask him. "This must be serious," He said. "Your doing the whole, wont look me in the eyes thing. Along with twirling your ring. Spill Rae."

"I need you to model for me…" I mumbled looking down. A short laugh escaped his lips. "Did I just hear you say, 'model for me?" I looked up at him with a glare, "Yes, Paul backed out, something about a study project or something-"

"And you thought of me?"

"I thought about my best friend who is always there to help me. Because that's who he is, an amazing guy with great morals, who is devilishly handsome-"

"You're laying it on a little thick there don't you think?" He said, a slight smile on his face, showing off his amazing dimples. I smiled at him, "I'm only telling the truth."

He sighed, running his hand threw his hair. "Okay, I'm in-" Before he said more I had my arms around his neck and my head on his chest. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I stood up on my tips of toes and gave him a small kiss on the cheek. "Five O'clock at the art departments studio." I said, moving away from him before he could change his mind.

----

"Sam, over here!" I shouted as soon as I seen him lingering in the doorway. He gave me a sheepish smile, with his body slouched I could tell he was uncomfortable doing this. As selfish as it seemed, I felt… grateful, but more so, happy, that he would be doing this for me even though it wasn't something he wanted to do.

He walked over towards me slowly, glancing around the room. "Hey Rae," He said when he stood in front of me. I smiled brightly, "Sam, this Is Jessica, You'll be modeling with her today. Jess, This is Sam."

They gave each other sheepish smiles and hellos, I couldn't help but roll my eyes. They would have to get better chemistry then that if they were going to be playing lovers all day.

-----

**Eight months later**

_Her back hit her dresser with a hard thud, sending the items scattering to the floor. At the sound of glass shattering they pulled apart, her lips hesitantly left his as she glanced down at the broken picture frame. _

"_Should I?" His voice was husky, rough. Her eyes snapped to his. "Leave it-" Her lips were back on his kissing him with a passion she had never known before. She could feel his hands gripping her hips as he lifted her away from the wobbly dresser and broken glass._

_Her legs wrapped around him instinctively, needing, wanting to be closer to him. She knew where the night was going to take them. _

_Her only short lived worry was what the morning might bring. _

**Earlier That night.**

"Happy birthday!" The crowed screamed as soon as I walked into the small pub near campus. My eyes filled with tears at the sight of all my friends. "Guys…" I wasn't expecting to see them all here. Maybe, one or two… I shook my head laughing. When Sam told me to meet him here tonight…I gave another laughing scanning the crowned for Sam, who really out did himself tonight.

---

"Hey, you okay?" Christy asked me as she sat on the stool next to mine. I glanced from the clock to her, "Yeah…" My eyes drifted back to the clock. The party had been going on for three hours now and there had been no sign of my best friend. "Just-" "Waiting for Sam?" Christy said sadly, her voice soft. I looked over to her and gave a small smile. "That obvious huh?" She gave me a smile, "I'm sure he'll show up. He wouldn't forget your birthday." "I know," And that's why I had a horrible feeling in my gut.

---

"Hey. If anyone ask I'll be right back." Christy looked up frowning, "He still hasn't showed?" I shook my head. "No.. It's-It's not like him.." She nodded her head looking thoughtful. "I get it, I'll cover for you." I gave her a smile, before taking off out the door.

---

I walked towards his dorm, every step gathering speed. I hoped that when I got there his roommate would know where he was, or where he had gone. I had tried calling a dozen of times, with each unanswered ring the hole in my gut grew bigger, darker. It wasn't like him not to pick up.

I didn't wait for an answer after I knocked, I just walked in like I always did. As soon as the door opened wide, I stopped thinking, breathing, feeling.

"Sam?" His name left my mouth before I had time to register what I was seeing. "Jesus Rae" He said getting off his bed pulling on a pair of boxers. I saw behind him Jessica quickly cover herself up with his blanket.

I looked away feeling sick. "Sorry I," I blinked back my emotions. There were too many going swirling around in my head and heart to feel any one thing. Disgust, Hate, Anger, Sadness, Shock, Betrayal, Hurt. "I should go." I didn't wait for an response I just shut the door quickly before taking off down the stairs.

----

I found myself alone, sitting on a bench just outside his dorms. I didn't know why I had stopped walking, I didn't know anything at this moment. It was as if my mind was racing with so many thoughts and feelings, that- that I couldn't tell what I was doing or feeling, like my mind was blank.

I felt a jacket cover my shoulders, I looked up and saw Sam standing there with a frown on his face. "You blew me off Sam." I said softly, bitterly.

"It wasn't like that."

"Then please explain to me what it was like? Cause from where I'm standing it seems like you blew off my birthday party"

"I was with Jess and we were studying and we-" He looked away before turning back, "I'm sorry we didn't make it, we really wanted to come."

"I don't give a damn about 'we' Sam. I care about you, my best friend. I care that YOU weren't there." I got up from the bench, not feeling the need to sit any longer.

"I told you-"

"That you were with Jess. Yeah, I got it," I shook off his jacket and handed it to him before saying, "I can't do this Sam."

"Do what?" He looked at me, desperately trying to figure out what I was saying. I knew I had to tell him, I knew that if I didn't tell him now I would always back out. I would always be the second one in his life. And I couldn't handle that when it comes to this, to him, not now, not ever.

"This pretending that all you are is my best friend-"

"Aur-"

"No, let me finish please." I waited a moment before sitting on the curb, needing the support I knew I wouldn't have by standing. He followed behind, sitting next to me. His leg resting against mine, which did nothing but increase my heart rate.

"I've been in love with you for a long time Sam. And I can't keep playing second fiddle to this relationship you have with Jess." I took an another deep breath, biting my lip for support before turning to look into his eyes. The eyes I have grown to love in the past year. "Sam, It's me or her. You can't have both."I didn't know what he would say to me. I hoped for a lovers embraces, I prayed for the knowledge that he felt the same for me.

"Your kidding right?" His voice was harder then I had ever heard it. It made my stomach uneasy, I shook my head. "No Sam, I'm not."He stood up from the curb. "How can you ask me that?" He looked at me, anger and hurt in his eyes. "You know how much she means too me."

"Sam I-"

"No, you don't get it. She's the one thing that made my life here worth everything I gave up. Can't you see that? She's my home. She's the first thing I have ever had that made everything okay."

I felt as if he had punched me with every words that left his mouth. He felt it too, if the look on his face said anything. It was a look that I grown all to familiar with, a look of his regret. Only this time, I didn't think I could brush it off.

"I didn't-" Standing up I cut him off, "You did" My voice shook as tears ran free from my eyes. "You meant every word of it Sam, and its too late to take it back. It's already been said, already been heard. And that makes me scared, cause, you know, I spent the better part of this year in love with you and obsessing over this friendship , not wanting to do any damage to what we did have. Now after all this time I find out it wasn't even that great to start with. I was just your place holder till you found Jess."

He took a step towards me tears in his eyes, I stepped back not wanting him close to me. "Don't Sam." I laughed without humor, pointing my shaky finger at him. "You did enough damage already."

"Rae, please-"

"No. I just-" I shook my head, tears running down my face. "I need to be alone." I turned around not wanting to see him, "Don't come after me Sam."

----

**I took a deep shaky breath before turning back to Cory, "So he's the one that got away." he muttered to himself more then to me, "Why did you tell him not to follow you?"**

**I looked into my best friends eyes and said the only thing I could, the truth. "Cause' I was scared that he wouldn't follow me. If I left with out saying anything and he didn't come after me-" I shook my head, "I couldn't stand that rejection-"**

**"So by saying 'don't follow me' you were saving yourself from knowing if he would or not."**

**"I knew he wouldn't if I told him not too." I whispered softly, brushing away the stray tears that began to fall down my face.**

**I heard Cory sigh, "I think I need a drink," I laughed with out humor, "You need a drink?"**

**We were silent for a moment, "So did you see him again that night?" I looked over, "I-" My chest fell, "God, I feel like an idiot." looking up at Cory I told him, "You might want to get those drinks ready."**

**----**

I walked around for hours. Going back to my party seemed like a horrible idea, but getting a drink seemed like, well, like a good one. Before I knew it I was walking to one of the many bar's near the campus, a local dive that seen better days.

My mind was still blank as I walked threw the doors, but I instantly realized that I was overdressed. I had on my 'birthday' dress. I laughed inwardly, remembering picking it out earlier that day thinking that Sam would like it, that he would notice it.

It hung three inches above my knee, it was black and perfect. It showed my curves I did have, while not being sluttish.

I don't think he noticed it.

I looked up at the bar tender, "Wild turkey, double. And a Heineken on the side." He raised he eyebrow, "You got ID?" With out a care I pulled my drivers licenses out of my bra -making sure I didn't flash anyone- handing it too the bartender. He smirked, "Happy Birthday," I looked away, "Thanks." Obviously realizing that my birthday wasn't going the way I wanted he went and got me my whiskey.

It seemed as soon as the shot glass hit the bar top I was taking the shot, with the chaser of the other shot. "Keep 'em coming" I said. The bar tender laughed, "Coming right up,"

"You sure you can handle all that?" I looked over and noticed a man -who I was pretty sure, Wasn't there before- sitting beside me. "I'm about to find out." I said with a smile.

He shook his head clearly amused, "I'm Alex." I raised my eyebrow, "I'm not interested." and I wasn't.

Then.

**_-_-_SMUT-_-_-_-**

We had barely made it to my apartment, let alone my bedroom. As he walked us backwards into my bedroom, pushing me up against the wall, his rough hands slid up my bare thigh propping me up. The higher his hand got the wetter I became.

His lips along my collarbone sent chills from my toes to my head, a small moan was heard. I wasn't sure who's came from, "Bedroom," I managed to say before my lips were on his, rough and hungry for his taste.

Even as I heard his foot kick up my bedroom door, I didn't care. I didn't worry about the security on the apartment. If anything, it made me want him more.

"Fuck. Me." I panted into his ear, feeling his erection against my body. My arms wrapped around his neck, my body arching into his

"Sweetheart, you keep that up and I wont guarantee we make it to the bed-" I didn't let him finish before my lips were on his once again, My hands griped the hem of his shirt pulling it over his head, stealing heated kisses in between the panting of our breaths.

Even as I heard his foot kick up my bedroom door, I didn't care. I didn't worry about the security on the apartment. If anything, it made me want him more.

My back hit the dresser with a loud thud, it didn't cause us to slow down.

His hands slid to my hips, I gazed into his lust filled eyes knowing that mine mirrored his.

He lifted me up, setting me on the dresser. His hands caressing my naked leg before going to the hem of my dress, my arms lifted up automatically. My dress hit the floor only seconds later, "God, your beautiful" he said before his lips were on mine.

I froze for a moment, my mind racing. I knew this was wrong, I knew in the back of my mind that there was a part of me pretending that it was Sam who's my legs were wrapped around, who had just called me beautiful. I knew it was wrong, but I pushed forward, wanting, needing to be wanted and needed.

I kissed his neck, gently sucking at his pulse point before whispering into his ear, "I. Want. You-" I gently tugged his ear lobe with my teeth, "In. Me. Now."

"God," He said feeling my hands scratch down his chest before stopping at the top of his pants, "These. Off." I mumbled into his mouth. My hand moved over the bulge in his jeans, causing a moan to escaped his mouth. As my fingers began to undo the top button before grabbing the zipper and pulling it down, his jeans fell to his ankles.

Somehow my elbow connected with something on my dresser sending items scattering to the floor. At the sound of glass shattering my lips hesitantly left his, we pulled apart, I glanced down at the broken picture frame.

Sam.

"Should I?" His voice was husky, rough. My eyes snapped to his. "Leave it-" My lips were back on his kissing him with a passion and hunger I had never known before.

I was running from that name, from his thought. I could feel his hands gripping my hips as he lifted me away from the wobbly dresser and broken glass. My legs wrapped around him instinctively, needing, wanting to be closer to him. I knew where the night was going to take us.

I just couldn't worry about what the morning would bring.

He laid me on the bed gently, more so then I wanted. The coldness of my un-slept in bed against the warmth of my heated body was an amazing feeling.

With him on top of me, in nothing but boxers I could feel his erection against the wetness of my panties, I added friction by grinding myself into him, I could see him biting back a moan. I looked at his face, in his lust filled eyes. I caught my breath seeing Sam in his eyes. Closing my eyes I brought my face to the curve of his laying soft kisses, trying to rid myself of the tears that felt like making an appearance.

His hands traveled down my body slowly, softly, as if he was studying me, learning every inch of my body. He was playing my body like an instrument, one that only he knew how to play. His hands tugged at my panties, lifting my hips he was able to slide them off. He kissed the corner of my mouth be he started to nuzzle my neck, sending soft butterfly kisses along my skin as his arm wrapped around me, pulling me away from the bed, his other hand unclasped my bra leaving me completely bare.

His hand began to knead my breast, his lips sucking on my neck. My breathing became more erratic, my body began to tremble with awareness.

I pulled his boxers as far down as I could get them. I gently brushed my fingers over his member, I felt it twitch under my hand. I bit into his shoulders before breathing into his ear, "Fuck Me. Now."

I knew he was trying to go slow, to pleasure me. Which is what most girls wanted, but- I didn't- Couldn't- handle being with him like that. His arm moved around my mind section, flipping me over until my stomach was on the now warm sheets and I was in kneeling position, his hand caressed my stomach, his thumb finding my clit. I was whimper escaped my mouth, "I need you wetter sweetheart," I shut my eyes feeling his thumb moving in circular motions.

His other hand roamed my exposed back, his left soft kisses where his hands left there hidden trail before moving around to my front side, I felt him slip his finger inside of me. One, then two. Our heavy breathing was the only thing you could hear in the room, my body moving in rhythm to his movements.

"That's a good girl" He whispered as his fingers left me. My eyes opened at the sudden loss of him, only to close as the sudden thrust of him inside of me. I screamed out, my body responding immediately, my walls closing in around him, my head tilted back a moan leaving my parted mouth."God, your tight" He panted into my ear, causing me to shiver. "Harder." I gaped, moving my hips into his thrust. He pushed me down further into the mattress, my back pressed against his chest.

As his thrust became quicker and deeper, my body trembling from the force. "Don't stop." I panted, "don't ever fucking stop" He chuckled breathlessly in my ear, "I wound't think of it" I felt my body began to build up, readying itself for the explosion of energy, the release of myself. "Yes, yes, yes…" moaning, clenching the blanket under my hands, "faster, please, god, please, fas-st-ter" I stuttered.

After what seemed like forever, my body finally gave into it's release. Sobbing one finally faster, my body began to spasm around him as I came. As if waiting for me, he came only seconds later.

We fell to the bed, sweat glisten our skin, our breaths hitched and staggered. "Wow." He said rolling over, draping his arm around me. "That was amazing." I shut my eyes, feeling nauseas I wiggled out under his arm, "I'm getting some water, you want anything?" I asked, taking the blanket wrapping it around my body, suddenly self conscious. He frowned at me, "No, I'm good."

By the time I returned he was already asleep, I got into bed next to him, shortly following him into a deep slumber.

-_-_-_-END SMUT-_-_-_

The next morning I woke up hunger over and sore. Every part of my body screaming in protest to moving. Eyes snapping opening I remember the night before, sitting up I looked around my empty room.

My empty room.

He was gone.

I fell back in bed feeling sick to my stomach. Not that I had wanted him here when I woke up. Just- Now, with out a alchol fog in my mind I realized that he shouldn't have been here at all.

I moved out of bed. "FUCK!" I cried, lifting my foot up, Blood dripped out of it. Glass. My eyes snapped to the dresser and floor around it. "It's gone." The picture frame, the glass -except the one I stepped on- was all gone.

"He cleaned up." I limped over to the garbage can where everything that was broken now rested, everything else on the dresser top.

"I HATE YOU!" I screamed, "I FUCKING HATE YOU!" in a swift motion I knocked everything off my dresser once again.

Crying I fell to the floor, unsure of who I was yelling at. Sam? Me? Alex?

All of the above.

---

**"So you had the best sex of your life and never heard from him again?" I sighed, "Cory. that's-That's what you get out of that?" I laughed feeling drunk. "I fucked a stranger." He rolled his eyes at me, "Get over it. Your allowed to have fun" I smiled standing up, "You right!"**

**"I am?" he asked, eyeing me suspiciously. "You are." I walked over to him giving him a kiss. "And he needs to know it!"**

**"Um."**

**"I mean who does he think he is?" I slipped on my slippers.**

**"Um"**

**"He was dead-" I hiccuped, "I aint talking metaphorically ether. He blew up!"**

**"Um"**

**"Now he shows up!! Now?!" I shook my head walking over to my purse, grabbing. "Well, he has another thing coming!"**

**"Um"**

**"Who does he think he is coming back from the dead like that?!" I frowned at my statement before stammering on. "Screw him! He needs to know that I'm over him! That I was over him with, erm… erm-"**

**"Alex?"**

**I snapped my fingers, smiling. "Yeah, yeah! Alex!"**

**"Um." I gave Cory a kiss on the cheek, "I'll be back later!"**

**"Where do you think your going?"**

**"to the motel?!" duh…**

**"Why?"**

**"That's where he is isn't it? I mean, unless he's just passing threw?" I shook my head, "No he's there!"**

**"And what are you going to do if he is there?"**

**"Tell him off!" Cory looked at me disbelieving, "Come on'"**

**"I'm serious!" I said walking out the door,**

**"Well, you can't drive!" he called out as I shut the door, not letting him catch up with me.**

**-----**

**The town was small, only having one motel for the nearest thirty miles. Put in the fact that it was slightly scummy, and no one ever stayed there, I figured the one with the light on and the car parked in front of it was where he was. I paused at the car, it looked slightly familiar too.**

**I marched up to the door, not caring about the time I pounded on it. "Open up ass hole!" I yelled, not trying to keep calm. I heard movement from inside, "I KNOW YOUR IN THERE WINCHESTER!"**

**The door flew open, I paused looking up at the face. My stomach dropped, suddenly realizing that this might not have been one of my better ideas.**

**I felt sick.**

**I blinked slowly at the man in front of me. "Dean, who-" I looked behind the man too see Sam. He stopped talking as soon as he saw me, "Aurelia?" his voice was low, confused.**

**"I'm going to be sick!" I said, before throwing up on the man that was standing in front of me. The man, who I knew by Alex.**

**

* * *

**

Okay, Okay, Tell me. Who saw that coming? *raises hand!* hehe. *looks around guiltily* I had to toss in a little twist in there. Don't worry, everything will be explained! :D

btw, **I do not** under ANY circumstance condone drunk driving!

review?


	5. Hazel eyes

_"Mom?" I heard the crackling over the line, the connection not nearly as good as I wished it would be. I shut my eyes, "Mom are you there?"_

_"Honey?" her voice was surprised, "Its good to hear from you. Your dad and I were just talking about you. You would love it here baby, there is so much to capture, I'm scared I wont have enough time to get it all even if I'm here forever" She chuckled, the sound piercing my heart leaving me silent._

_"Honey?" her voice a thousand times heavier then it had been moments before. "Is everything okay?"_

_A took a deep breath, but when I opened my mouth no words came out just a small cry._

_"Oh baby, what is it?"_

_"I need to come home." I whispered, my eyes shut and my hand, white knuckled, holding the phone as if it was a life line. "Just for a little bit, some time off…" I can't see him, not right now. I feel broken, shattered._

_"Of course baby, you'll father and I we'll take the next flight-"_

_"No!" I cut her off, "I don't want you guys to worry" eyes tight, tears falling down my face I took a hard breath, "I just wanted to make sure it was okay."_

_"Of course it is baby, it's your home." God, I hope so. I thought. At what age does your childhood home not become your home. When you're bedroom no longer reeks of time spent but of memories from a far away past._

_There was a pause before she spoke again, "Honey, I'm going to get daddy and we'll be on the next-"_

_"Mom please," I said, "I just-" I swallowed hard hating that I was going to lie to her "School is just very overwhelming right now, I just want a little break. You don't need to cut your trip short."_

_"Are you sure?" I could her it in her voice, the sacrifice of leaving her world behind "I'm sure mom."_

_"Well, okay," another pause "When were you thinking about leaving?" I looked at the bags on the floor next to my bed already packed._

_[x.x.x]_

I felt strong arms pull me gently further inside the room, while another groaned "Ah, my boots"

I was led to a chair, where I hunched over, elbows on my knees, trying to regain my composure, my stomach still turning over.

I glanced Alex; the man I had used to forget Sam one drunken night that was years ago, yet had a reminder every day since then. He isn't Alex I reminded myself. There is no Alex in front of me. Only Sam's older brother Dean.

Sam who was soothingly rubbing my back, trying to give me a comfort I didn't deserve. I watched as Dean reached for a towel that had be laying aimlessly around, and began wiping my mess of him. Without looking at me or his brother, he asked, his voice gruff and annoyed "Friend of yours Sammy?"

I put my head in my hands wishing I could turn back the proverbial clock and not be here right now. The soothing motions on my back stopped, "No," I could feel his presences as he walked away from me "Not anymore." I looked up and was shocked by the changes I saw in him. Not just his physical appearance, which always had a very illuminating presences but now more so; only now it seemed darker. "What are you doing here Aureila?"

Dean, not Alex; had immediately went into the bathroom to change. Leaving me with a angry pacing Sam. I finally looked up after what seemed like an hour. Still pacing, I sighed, "I shouldn't have come here." mumbled, not thinking he could hear me.

"You're right. You shouldn't have." I was wrong. "How did you find me Rae" I cringed at his voice, at the sound of him saying my name. It brought me to close to memories I didn't want to have, of different times he said my name.

"I didn't find you," I finally settled on saying, looking up at him frowning. "You found me." at his blank 'what is she talking about' expression I continued, "I saw you at the bar tonight."

"So you followed me here?"

"What?" I stood up, shaking off the dizziness I was feeling, "No I didn't follow you here Sam."

"Well you want to explain to me how you ended up at the doorstep throwing up on my brother"

Brother. His brother. I had sex with his brother. Sam's brother. His brother is now- I tried not to cringe. "Look, I was pissed. I was drunk- I-I-" I spurted out nothing, not sure if I was talking about tonight or the night that changed everything. His brother, his brother. till finally I said, "I wanted some answers."

"You want answers?" He asked, throwing his arms up in the air his face annoyed, " after all these years you want answers?" he shook his head, "I wake up one morning and you're just gone. You just left school without a goodbye and without anyway for me to get a hold of you."

"Well I didn't think you'd care!" I shouted back.

"Do I have to separate you too?" another voice, his voice said walking out of the bathroom newly changed causing me to look away. Coming here was a mistake. A very big mistake. I wondered how I didn't recognize him from the bar.

Sam Ignored him, his eyes still on me. "You were my best friend and you just left. Without an explanation." he ran his fingers through his still shaggy hair, "I know you were mad at me. But to just run off like that?"

"It wasn't just about you…" I said quietly, trying my damniest not to look at his brother.

"Then what was is about Rae? We fight, then a month later you're just gone?"

"Well at lest I didn't blow up and suddenly end up at the bar near you." I shouted, shaking my head trying not to cry but failing miserably "You died Sam." I saw the emotions cross his face, then just as soon close off.

"I didn't think you'd care," he said using my early words against him.

"Who are you?" I whispered, shaking my head. "Cause it sure as hell isn't the man I used to know."

He glared at me, "You never knew me to start with." And if that wasn't just a slap to my face. I nodded my head, nervously playing my ring and biting my lip. "I should go then," I started to walk, feeling myself stumble over the first few steps.

"You can't drive." I didn't meet his eyes, "I'll walk."

"You can barely walk a straight-line." My gaze snapped to his, "I sure as hell can't stay here." frowning he shook his head, "Dean will drive you."

"What? No." I gaped at him.

"Hey, if you want to go and get yourself killed so be it,"

He was right. Of course he was right. There have been very few times that Sam Winchester had been wrong. "Whatever," I mumbled, not looking at Dean. Walking to the door, I ignored Sam eyes but felt them like a knife in the back as I walked.

"Just better not puke in my baby," I heard a gruff voice mutter as the door shut behind me.

_[x.x.x]_

_Breathe. Breathe. I kept telling myself I just needed to breath._

_"Rae?" I heard the tearful sound of Brady over the phone, "A bunch of us are getting together. I'd like it if you could come back for the service."_

_Breathe. Breath._

_"It wont be to big, just a few of us from our old gang."_

_Breathe. Breathe._

_"He would want you there." I shut my eyes listening to the sound of his voice._

_Just breathe._

_[.x.x.x]_

There were so many things I had to say to Sam, so many words I hadn't spoken. Did he know that after he 'died' I went back to Stanford? To the weeping angel and spent an hour there regretting not telling him goodbye? That I wanted nothing more to let the blackness swallow me hole. That I would have if it wasn't' for-

"Don't mind my brother," Dean said, eyes still on the road. The only indication he knew I was in the car with him was his calm voice.

"I'm-" I sighed, looking at his profile "About that night-"

"Look lady," his eyes finally going off the road and onto me "I don't know who you are," My brows furrowed together, but he continued "But when some strange chick shows up at the motels yelling about an asshole Winchester," he grinned wickedly, "Normally its about me and not Sammy." He shrugged, eyes going back to the road. "So whoever you were in his past, is just that" he gave me another look "the past."

I studied his eyes, there honestly seemed to be no recollection of that night together. Could it have been someone else? I eyed the dashboard. Even drunk I remember the car he used to drive me home; the car we almost ended up naked in. "You don't know who I am?" I asked cautiously.

He eyed me, brow raised questioning, "Should I?"

No. no he shouldn't. And I let out a breath I didn't realize I had been holding. It stung a bit that he didn't remember, but that sting was quickly replaced with a breath of fresh air. "No." I said, feeling better "I guess not."

[.x.x.x.]

_"Hey Sammy," I looked at the statue, "Its been awhile." I whispered. Clearing my throat, I put a gentle hand out to touch the cold granite of the statue. "Its almost fitting that this is were I say my goodbye to you." I took my hand back, as if it was a house of cards ready to fall._

_I shut eyes, "All I have are questions. Questions that I'll never get answered."_

_"They went out to drink a beer in your honor." sighing, I sat down on the cold ground. My eyes back on the angel of grief. "It feels wrong to me. Drinking to your death." death. That word sounded so cold, so final on my tongue._

_I sat there for a long time, feeling numb and alone in the world. Feeling as though there had been a grand mix up in the universe and he wasn't dead, and the cirucumstances surrounding his death hadn't been so out of the ordinary and packed full with lies._

_"What could cause an angel to weep?" I mumbled half to myself, half to the statue, "losing what it loved."_

_[.x.x.x]_

Dinner.

I was making dinner and pretending that the world around me wasn't is a state of chaos. I couldn't help but think how all these one word emotions had so much behind them, and could coexists in a bitter battle inside myself.

Betrayal.

For one I felt betrayal. A deep betrayal that ran deep in my veins. It was raw and angry and it wanted to tear at my seams until nothing was left but screaming and hate. Instead, I was putting chicken in the oven and peeling potatoes.

Happiness.

A light of hope of something that had always clouded my mind with what if' had be replaced with a knowledge that what I frequently feared had no bearing in my life anymore. I was off the hook.

Knowledge.

There was knowledge that you could no longer look to books to find, but in secret. In the past and also in the present. Knowledge in a living thing, that is inconsistent and takes pleasure in always being right, even at the cost at what it holds dear.

Time.

Time is a lie. Time does not heal wounds, and the hands of time are not measured by that of a clock or calendar. There is no time; there is only waiting.

**DING DONG!**

"I'll get it!" a voice yelled from the living room the soft sound of feet hitting the wooden floors made me smile. "No you wont," I yelled back, putting the potatoes I had been peeling down.

Love.

Love had no ending, no limitation. When you love someone, there is no risks, no mistakes. Only chances to do better.

I walked out to the living in time to see the door open, getting ready to chide her the words got stuck in my throat. "Hi!" The girl said, staring up. "Who are you?"

"Honey," I finally managed to say, walking up behind putting my hands on her shoulders never making eye contact with the two men standing in front of her, "Why don't you go to your room and finish your picture before dinner is ready." Big hazel eyes stared up at me, frowning "But mommm." she said, her hands going to her hips.

"No buts, just go." I said, gently moving her out of the way. I heard her exasperated sigh, before looking curiously at the two men then back at me before stomping into her bedroom down the hall.

"What do you want?" I hissed, finally getting enough courage to lash out at their unexpected visit. My heart fearing what will come if the truth gets out.

"Who was that?" Sam asked, his whole body screaming shock.

"My daughter," I said defiantly. "Now what do you want?"

"How old is she?" Sam asked, looking confused. I bite the inside of my cheek, making damn sure I didn't look him or his brother in the eye "Five. Now if you're done with twenty one questions."

I could see the calculation in his eyes. "Rae," he said softly "Is that why you left. You were pregnant?" I had no answer for him.

_[.x.x.x]_

They sat on the couch, each nursing a beer. "Now, if you'd tell me what you're doing here I'd like you to leave. Dinner will be done soon and-"

"Honey I'm home!" Came another voice from the door, this time it opened by itself and I wasn't nearly as surprised to see Cory walk in, stopping suddenly when he saw our guest. "Oh." was all he said.

The door opened in the hallway, the sound of tiny feet running "Uncle Cory!" throwing her tiny body at him "I'm drawling a new picture." I watched as he picked her up, a smile on his face.

"Of what?" he asked, her smiling getting bigger "Of a tiger!"

"A tiger?" she nodded her head "And a lion and a bear and a tin man an a scarecrow"

Sam and Dean shot me a curious look, I planned on ignoring it but sighed answering there unspoken question "She watched the Wizard of Oz at the babysitters last night."

"Well how about you show me it," Cory asked, then giving me a look at she squirmed out of his arms taking his hand and leading him to her room "I'll be in there with Samantha, call if you need me"

"Samantha?" Two men said simultaneously.

"Keep your voices down." I chide, my eyes darting to where my daughter would be.

I gave up hope of not having to explain "I was doped up on pain killers and feeling very sentimental." I looked at my hands, "So I named her after you." I all but was knocked over with a rush of memories, "Its what we planned on anyways."

I watched Dean get a very confused look on his face, Sam must have noticed it also. With a slight smile he explained what I didn't want too. "We agreed one night that when one of us would have a kid, we'd name it after the other one."

"I wasn't planning on it." I told them, "I just. I was there in the hospital and I didn't have any idea what to name her and when she opened her big eyes," big hazel eyes that looked so much like Sam, big hazel eyes that should have been a clue to start with "It just happened."

"I'm not mad." Sam said, but he looked mad and when I snuck a glance a Dean he looked- very calm.

He really doesn't remember, I told myself.

"As much as I'm enjoying this…" Dean trailed, his eyes on his brother, "We have business to do."

Sam sighed, running his fingers through his shaggy hair not meeting my eyes when he began to talk. "You said you wouldn't do it again. I believed you."

"What?" I asked, completely baffled by his question. "I have no idea what your talking about."

"The night after the cemetery. You told me you'd stop trying to chase ghost around with your camera. That it was a waste of time."

"You're here because I take picture of haunted house?" I asked, confused.

"I'm here because you stepped into something you shouldn't have." He countered, looking deadly.

"Sorry to interrupt," Cory said, Sami at his side, "the little one is hungry."

"Oh crap!" I jumped up and rushed into the kitchen, knowing I was going to find burnt chicken. Dinner, was no longer a simple as sticking it in the oven. Not when the Winchester's stopped by. Not when you have a secret hungry, and the beginning of that secret watching.

"Shit!"

_[.x.x.x]_

"Shit!"

I giggled hearing my mom say a bad word. I looked at the two strange men sitting on the couch, tilting my head a gave them a curious look before saying "you must make mom nervous" I told them. "she says swearing is bad and only does it when she's nervous or upset." whispering I added "or really really mad. Like when she stubs her toe in the morning getting coffee" I smiled at them. They stared back at me, strange expression on both their faces. Probably cos' I didn't tell them who I was. "I'm Samantha Beth Turner." I stuck my hand out to them to shake. Mom told me to always be polite to guest.

The giant one gave me a smile, shaking my hand. Which looked super tiny in his, "I'm Sam"

"Sam?" I said, surprised, "That's my name! I told mom it was a boys name but she didn't believe me! Did you tell her it was a boys name?" I asked.

"I thought your name was Samantha," the other one said. He was big too, but not a giant an looked tiny near the gaint. "It is." I shrugged, "Cos' sometimes people call me Sam" I shook my head sadly, "and then' I tell them. Look, that's a boys name and I'm not some icky boy." He cracked a smile at me. "No short stuff, you aren't"

"I'm not short" I complained, "I'm just young!" then trying to copy the face my mom uses when she's mad at someone, "What's your excuse?" I asked staring at the other one.

He laughed, "I have a giant for a brother that just makes me look short" he told with a light in his eyes.

I nodded my head, understanding "that'd do it."

* * *

Its been forever since I updated this. *sigh* sorry about that. its been almost a year. :l

I have to leave for work in about twenty mins. BLAAAAAAAAH. So, **review** so when I get home from a bad day, I have something to make me feel better & give my muse a little push in working some more :) ohh & also a giant sam size thanks to _Elm treigh_, for helping me with a part in this. :)

**Review? please?**


	6. Ice Cream and Ghost

_"Come on Sammy," laughter in my voice, "she might be dead, but I doubt she'll wait for your slow butt all night." _

_"Why are we doing this again?" He asked irritated. _

_"I'm doing this cause I want to find me a ghost," I clicked the flash light on his face, smiling "You're here because you don't want to leave me up to my own devices." _

_He snorted, "Couldn't you just be a normal girl," he whined still a few feet behind me, "One that goes hunting for, say, I don't know… shoes?" _

_I laughed, turning around a giant smile on my face "Don't worry best friend, that's tomorrow's adventure." the corners of his mouth tugged into a small grin "Great. That's just great." _

"How about we go out for Ice cream little one?" Cory asked, taking Samantha's hand. Eyes wide she smiled turning to me "Can we mommy, can we get some ice cream?!" I smiled, though I wanted to glare at Cory for leaving me alone with the past, this wasn't something Samantha needed to hear.

Truth be told, I wanted her far away from whatever mess was about to be spilled

"Sure sweetie, only one scope though," her face fell a little, until uncle Cory inconspicuously said while putting on her shoes, "Don't worry, we'll make it a triple with fudge"

"So..." I sat on the arm of the couch, my arms crossed over my chest.

"She's cute." Dean said, nodding to the door they used to leave.

I smiled, "She's a handful, but no one can deny she's a charmer."

Sam cleared his throat, "Rae, I'm sorry-"

"Don't Sam." I cut him off, putting my hand up in the air frowning "Now if you'll explain to me why you're here."

"What do you know about the Wicker man house."

Unsure of where this was going, "For fact?" I shook my head but told them "Nothing; as for the legends and behind the scenes stuff? Everything"

"Everything covers a whole lot of ground sweetheart, why don't you be more specific"

"Everything like, small towns' always have their dark secrets. But this town, It is a dark secret they like to keep in the dark, locked far far away." I sighed, looking at them seeing that they wouldn't give up and leave until I told them.

"The house got its name from an owner a few hundred years ago. He was obsessed with making Wicker statues of humans, which wasn't bad until he started kidnapping people of the town and sacrificing them, in the name of the Celtic gods. He was on a real druid kick, you can say." I shrugged my shoulders and stood up, going over to counter that held my research. Beyond the papers I printed out, there was a yellow legal pad with notes. I gathered everything and handed it to Sam. "And why are you taking pictures of the house?" Sam asked, obviously confused.

"Look, I'm not proud to say 'hey I take pictures of haunted houses but..."

"But what Rae, this was never your dream." He waved a picture of the house in my face.

"But, I didn't finish my degree, and there aren't many jobs open to me."

"Rae your parents-"

"I don't want to get by on my parents name," I shook my head, "You of all people know that."

"Okay, so you take pictures of haunted house. Why are you working on the Wicker house?"

"As the saying goes, I'd rather not shit where I eat but... I needed the money. And when the offer to do something, something that didn't involve me leaving Rae behind, I took it."

"And who made the offer?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

I shook my head, "I was sub contracted through a Magazine I used to work for. I got a call, some rich nut I'm assuming, who would pay big bucks to get a picture of the ghosts"

"Ghosts, as in more than one..."

"Yeah," I nodded. "The number of deaths officially reported at the house is 15," I sighed sitting down "The unconfirmed but more likely number is around 45. The stories go that the victims haunt the place as well as the Wicker man himself."

"Have you hand any luck?" Dean asked, "Getting any ghost?"

"No." I shook my head, "The place is a dud, like all haunted houses." I looked at both of them, "So you want to tell me why you're here asking me all these questions? The Wicker man house seems like an odd reason for you to be raised from the dead Sam."

* * *

**AN: After a long and upsetting weekend at the NJCON I've decided to post all my updates that have just been sitting idle on my laptop. They're al****l short and I'm sorry for that lovely but my muse is stuck, and I was really hoping this past weekend would have helped her but alas it did not. You can Follow me on tumblr (underinsanity) if you wish, I'll be posting pics and such from the con not to mention my take on the shitstorm that went down. 3  
But forewarning I just made the tumblr a few weeks ago so it's kinda blah right now.**


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